ThirtyThree

In a world where people constantly ask about achievements, relationships, and future plans, choosing a simple life often confuses others. Whenever I meet new people and they learn that I have decided to remain single, the next question usually comes quickly: “Then what do you want in life?” My answer is always the same. I want peace. A good sleep. A proper meal. And a life free from guilt. For many, this answer feels too small, almost incomplete. But the truth is that peace is not small. Peace is the most difficult thing to earn in a restless world. Over the last four months, my life felt like an emotional roller coaster. Waves of feelings came and went- confusion, regret, sadness, reflection, and sometimes silence. This was not the first time life had tested me like this. I have experienced emotional storms before. But this time something inside me changed. Instead of fighting the pain, I accepted it. I told myself that perhaps this was my punishment for past karmas, for ...

A Feeling I Could Never Silence I didn’t grow up trying to be rebellious. I grew up trying to be honest . Even when I followed the rules, even when I did what was expected, there was always a quiet tension inside me an awareness that something essential in me refused to be shaped too neatly. I didn’t want a loud life. I wanted a true one. That desire is where my untamed soul began.   Listening to the Inner Voice For a long time, I couldn’t explain why certain paths felt wrong even when they looked right. Only later did I realize that this discomfort was psychological, not dramatic. It was my inner world asking for recognition. Carl Jung described this process as individuation-the slow, often uncomfortable becoming of the self. He wrote, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” I recognized myself in that sentence immediately. Every time I ignored my inner voice, life felt heavy and misaligned. Every time I hono...

  I was born with an unforgivable certainty: as something clean, absolute, and rare. I saw it early, and once you see it, the world becomes unbearable. Because the world does not love greatness, it fears it. It feeds on it, dulls it, tears it apart, and calls the destruction “virtue.” That is why I learned to hate the good. People think I destroy myself because I am weak, or because I am cruel, or because I am confused. They are wrong. I destroy myself because I see too clearly. To love something pure in a world that exists to corrupt it is a form of torture. I could not bear to watch the beautiful be dragged down to the level of the ugly, the exceptional to be smothered by the mediocre. So, I chose a different cruelty: I would strike first. I would ruin what I loved before the world could touch it. If I broke it myself, at least it would remain mine. That is why I leave men I admired. That is why I praised what I despised. That is why I aligned myself with weakness and vul...

There is a pattern in my life that I have learned to recognize, even though I still don’t know how to stop it. It feels like an emotional roller coaster that never truly ends, only pauses long enough to remind me what peace tastes like before taking it away again. I get small moments of calm. Fleeting ones. Moments where my mind feels quiet, my chest feels lighter, and life almost seems possible. I experience peace the way you smell food cooking in another room close enough to know it exists, but never close enough to sit down and eat. Before I can hold onto it for even a minute longer, it disappears. And when it does, what follows is never equal. The pain comes back heavier, louder, and ten times more exhausting than before. What hurts the most is the awareness. I know when I’m lying to myself. I know when I’m chasing an imaginary version of success or social status, hoping it will finally make me feel whole. Sometimes I can’t accept that I was the one cheating myself, building dreams...

  Inspired by the Ardhanareeswara Concept Every person carries within them a subtle dance of two energies: the feminine and the masculine. These are not about gender, appearance, or roles society assigns. They are the polar forces that shape how we think, act, feel, give, and receive. And understanding them is one of the most transformative ways to build a whole, fulfilled life: regardless of whether you’re single or in a relationship. I often found myself wondering how I could be single yet still feel powerful and full of potential for a lifelong journey. That question led me inward - to the realization that true strength comes not from finding another half, but from awakening the two energies already living within me. In ancient Indian wisdom, this idea is beautifully symbolized through Ardhanareeswara:  the half-Shiva, half-Parvati form that represents perfect balance. It’s not just an artistic depiction; it’s a philosophical reminder that true completeness is internal, not...

 When I turned thirty-three, I didn’t wake up with a sudden panic that my life was incomplete. I woke up the same way I always do — made my coffee, scrolled through my phone, and reminded myself of the meetings I had lined up. But the world around me had already decided how I should feel: worried, lonely, and desperate to “settle down.” Being thirty-three and single in India is like walking around with an invisible tag on your forehead. Relatives read it as “What went wrong?” Colleagues interpret it as “She must be career obsessed.” Family friends think it’s “She’s too picky.” And sometimes, even well-meaning parents whisper, “Don’t wait too long.” But here’s the truth: it’s not always a sad story. My life is not a waiting room. I laugh, I celebrate, I travel, I work late, I buy things for myself without guilt. I’ve learned how to sit in a restaurant alone without pretending to be busy on my phone. I’ve learned that sleeping on my bed diagonally is a joy only single people t...